I should be sponsored by Trojan
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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