he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize