He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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