Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize