I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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