I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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