I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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