What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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