you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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