I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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