I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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