it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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