You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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