I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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