2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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