Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize