My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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