i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize