this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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