I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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