Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have feelings that need drinking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize