I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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