Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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