I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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