Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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