Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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