You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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