Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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