your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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