the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's never too late to be topless.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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