How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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