Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize