I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize