I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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