3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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