I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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