Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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