i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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