I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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