she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize