Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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