I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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