Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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