The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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