I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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