I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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