would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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