i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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