im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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