Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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